Self Care Strategies to Soothe the Soul

The importance of self care is undeniable but why is it so hard to make time for it. Speaking as a mom, and wife I can say that one of the biggest deficiencies in my life is taking time out for me. It seems as moms we have become too accustomed to putting ourselves last so that everyone else is taken care of, but how can we be our best and take care of our families if we do not take care of ourselves. By taking time for ourselves we can an example to our children, we show them the importance of taking time to breath, rest and rejuvenate through taking “me time” to become our best self.

I know that I struggle in this area – self care may “seem” selfish but it really is not, it is critical. My husband does a good job of this, at times I feel myself resenting my husband for his ability to disconnect but I know he needs self care. My husband works hard and has figured out a great work out schedule, he goes to his wood working shop in the basement as a stress reliever to pursue his wood working hobby and can tune out the world around him while playing a game on his phone. I honestly get frustrated with it, almost jealous of his ability to take “care” of himself (I am also very proud that he does it). Why does it seem to come so easy to some and not others and why is it so hard for moms to do? As I was pondering this thought today trying to figure out how I was going to get everything I needed to get done completed with a sick child, I came across a great list of Self Care Strategies for Women that I want to share and discuss because the list (1-6) struck a nerve with me, the last two are my (7 & 8) are my own adds.

1. Self Care is Not Selfish: We need to realize that self care is not selfish. Mabye we need to call it something else because by definition the terms “self care”or “me time” have for some reason got a negative connotation BUT they are just the opposite. Self Care and Me Time are NECESSARY in fact CRITICAL to healthy life balance, relationships and being your best mom, spouse, friend. The article refers to self care as taking responsibility for one’s “physical, emotional, intellectual and spiritual health” I like this, we take care of our homes, kids, pets cars etc and it really is our responsibility to take care of ourselves because no one else will. We are given one body and mind for this journey and we need to treat them as the gift they are.
2. Be your own best friend: would you ever treat your friends the way you treat yourself??? When it comes to your friends well-being you are very aware of when they have had too much or need a break, be sure to extend that grace to yourself. If you are kind and gracious to yourself it will extend into your personal life and relationships you will be your best self and your spouse, family and friends will reap the benefits. In my personal life I know when I have depleted my reserves and neglected myself because it penetrates every aspect of my life, it can start with not making it to work-outs or eating poorly and lead to a cycle of feeling bad about myself, short temperament, high stress and overall negative emotions. When I feel this happening I know that I need to make some adjustments.
3. Take Time to be Alone: When I was single I loved to be alone, friends often tried to “fix me up” so I would not be alone, but those who really knew me understood that I enjoyed being alone or just hanging with a few close friends when I wanted to be social. Now that I am married with children, I miss my alone time. Don’t get me wrong, I LOVE my life and my family is a blessing but there is something to be said about being able to just “be with yourself”. Being comfortable in your own skin and by yourself is a sign of overall wellness, it means that you have balance and are comfortable with who you are as a person. Find something you like to do alone. One of my favorite things to do as a single person was to take my dog to the national forest in the finger lakes region of NY and hike or go for a bike ride in the hills of NY state wine country. I found the beauty of nature renewing and refreshing, being alone with my thoughts in the presence of nature was awe inspiring for me. There is nothing better than a hike through the snow covered woods just listening to the quiet. Find what you love to do alone and make time for you. It may be reading, sitting with a cup of tea or coffee or sitting quietly in a museum or church…find your alone spot and use it.
4. Create a calming supportive surrounding. This could be removing clutter from your home, dumping a stressful relationship or toxic person. Create the calm in your life. If your house is in disarray it will cause dissarray and stress in your mind. This may be a big undertaking so chunk it out into smaller pieces. Make a list of things you want to organize and work on it a bit at a time. You will be amazed at the calming effect of purging clutter from your life.
5. The Power of NO: ok so this is a hard one for me, I am working on it. Whether it is to your children, a volunteer obligation or just one more thing on your to do list. Say no – make time for you, don’t over commit yourself, time is precious and you have so many demands on yourself as it is leave room for you. There will be a time in life when you will crave more to do and have more time, you will feel the energy and need to give more of your time, but in the meantime if it doesn’t feel right for you and your family it is OK to say no. Saying no to things that don’t feel right means that you are listening to your inner voice, this is powerful. We all have an inner voice, the more will are quiet the more we can hear it.
6. “Rewrite” your routine: something isn’t working if you don’t have time for yourself in your daily life. I am realizing that I have not left room for me in my daily life. I love this point, in my life it is time for me to make changes, shift my paradigm and change my routine to make self care possible. For example one of my biggest frustrations is not having a consistent exercise routine, exercise is such a stress reliever. I had been doing pretty well with at home work outs but wanted more intensity so joined a gym, the problem is I joined the gym based on child-care availability but the schedule of classes at the gym is not really good for me so I am having trouble making the time slot I thought would work this is increasing my stress and causing me anxiety. I am realizing that the best thing for me at the moment is to continue with my at home work outs and drop the gym. At least I was doing them and felt better for it now I can’t make it to the gym and it is a source of frustration.
7. Just get started: Sometimes the biggest hurdle is getting started. Block time out on your calendar to make sure you set time aside each day Mabye it is a 10 minute meditation, a quick walk around the block, a healthy breakfast or a phone call to a friend you have been meaning to connect with, whatever it is choose your self care and just start. Once a day make time for yourself and you will feel the difference.
8. Last but not least – go easy on yourself : Practicing Self Care takes just that PRACTICE. If you are someone who has been putting yourself last it will take a while to get into a new routine, it requires a paradigm shift in the way you think of yourself, putting yourself first is not easy but the benefits to you and all those around you will be truly amazing.

Self care is important, when I don’t take care of myself I feel resentful and overwhelmed. Try to add it to your life, I am doing the same. Practicing self care is an important step on our journey to become our best self. We are meant to be in balance physically, mentally and spiritually and taking care of ourselves is a big part of this. Be open to trying new things, it may take a few attempts but find what it is that “nourishes” your soul, you deserve it.